A yellow rose to be exact.

From the florist, from whom I bought a cactus.

Why a cactus? I don’t know – it’s probably got something to do with the way they were displayed in the window. The florist had cactus displayed together in the same pot (the arrangement was quite nice! but I couldn’t afford a $40 arrangement, even though he was nice.) He showed me a cactus that is considered to be lucky in his country of Iran. – Called an anucta? I’m not sure about the spelling .

Received a nice yellow flower that now sits in my bathroom ^_^ (I don’t have any more space on my desk for random stuff )  I’m still thinking of a name for my cactus.. I don’t think Bob would be appropriate.

Today, I didn’t do very much, except for explore the area around my new place – yonge and finch, toronto. I was so happy to find an asian grocery store like the one close to home. I can’t wait to buy some of those fresh fruits and veggies.

I am applying for jobs after I play around with my hair curler and eat a quick dinner. … and after I find a muay thai gym to try out this Saturday . I already have a huge list of positions. Now it’s a matter of filtering and individualizing those resumes. Wish me luck

And I was so happy to have run into some of my high school friends at that donut shop. My uni friends and high school friends managed to decide to go to the same place for a graduation trip – what a nice coincidence.  I went to visit them, because N had said I should go over whenever I wanted so that we could catch up.

N looked surprise when he opened the lodge door – he clearly was not expecting me and was uncomfortable … about something. Odd.

“Oh what are you doing here?”

I was hurt by his tone.

“you said i should swing by and visit. Everyone was just settled in and chilling, so i decided to come by and say hi… all of us should hang out or something haha. i never thought that my high school friends would ever be able to meet my uni ones!  i’m even more excited about this trip now”

“uh sure um… it’s actually not a very good time, do you mind coming back another time? and text me before coming?”

A guilty look flashed across his face.

“oh. I’m sorry. I will next time” I said. I took a step back because of the shame and embarrassment I felt. I turned to walk back to the car when I suddenly heard two very familiar voices shouting “what the fuck is that” and roars of laughter.

I turned to N. “Is that who I think it is?”

In my mind, my heart starting pounded – what is happening? Why is he here? and Why are they together?

“V. I can explain.” N grabbed my arm as I tried to walk through the door.

“Were you behind this?” I asked. My tone had changed from friendly to frosty. His grip loosened.

I turned around to look at him. Straight in the face.

“I had no choice – he called me up when I was having dinner w/ some of my buddies. You know that I’m half deaf so the audio on my phone was way up and everyone heard the conversation. He wanted some help so we agreed to.”

“Why is G here with him?” I was starting to shake from anger… This trip may turn out not as awesome as I wanted it to.

“he was one of the guys that I was eating with.”

“Did you not understand that when I said I don’t want to him in my life ever again, I meant it.”

I was cooling down. the anger was now simmering. I took a deep breath.

“Look, I’m sorry. But he asked for help. We could not just leave him. And it’s only this once, what’s hanging out with K going to do? It won’t turn him into a delinquent.”

I was momentarily distracted by the rapid footsteps dancing down the stairs.

“What’s all that noise, N? Why were you at the door for so long,” a pair of curious eyes peeped from a messy mohawk that covered an eye.

“Oh sis. What are you doing here?”

“the better question is what are YOU doing here, P. Aren’t you supposed to be at home” I asked. My voice softened. I love my baby brother.

“Nah – I figured since I had some free time, I should go ask N and some of his buds for a favour.”

“What kind of favour?” I asked looking suspiciously between the two.

“Oh they were just going to… ” P was interrupted by N’s throat clearing. Very obvious throat clearing.

My glare hardened as I turned N.

“Just a couple days of hanging out, away from your mom and dad. Apparently they’ve been arguing again.”

“So you saw that it was okay to take him away from the house. Do the parents know about this?”

My heart was pounding again. Why is he trying to solve family problems without me? Usually he would call me and ask for some advice…. why is he asking N and K, of all people, instead?

“Aw sis, chill out. I can see those gears turning in your head. Don’t read too much into it. They said I could come,” P gave me a punch on the shoulder.

“How did you manage to do that?”what a lucky kid, I thought. I could have never gotten out of the house right after an argument with the parents… parents are really easier on the second one.

“I went with him to talk to your parents and told them that he was interested in my program and wanted to talk to me about it.” At the sound of his voice my anger was reignited. K was leaning against the wall by the door.

I had not heard him come downstairs.

“It was a favour, I guess? For old time’s sake?” He continued.

This made me more mad.

“That is bullshit. P was never interested in engineering of any kind.”

“Are you sure about that? Your parents believed it. Anyways, it been a long time. How are you?”

He was coming in for a hug. uh.. no, not in this lifetime. Or the next. I dodged it with unusual grace and offered my hand for a handshake instead, just to be a big person.

“Sigh, since the thing’s out of the bag, can we go back to super mario smash bros now? Hey V have a beer.” K’s brother was sitting on the staircase.

“wow it really is a full house today, isn’t it?” I said with a smile. K’s brother and I grinned at each other. We got along.

Despite the fact that I was happy to see N and K’s brother, I rainchecked. I could not be in the same room as K any longer.

P was not there to find out more about engineering programs – he wanted to study the sciences. Whatever they are planning, let’s hope it isn’t going to cause any trouble.

Do i really seem so immature as to repeat dumb jokes / actions over and over again? I try to hug a friend after not seeing the person for ages, and was totally rejected because the person thought i was gonna pull a joke on him… I tried to get the attention of another person and also received the same kinda “wtf are you doing, i gotta protect myself” action….I really don’t know what to say about that reflex… is there no trust? no joy in seeing another person, just because you haven’t really kept in touch with them but seeing them again reminds you of all the fun things that happened before? I guess it’s only natural that friendships fade (hopefully more can be nurtured in these next months)

what is this? is this what happens when everyone grows up a bit? everyone gets suspicious about people they haven’t seen in a while? Is it me portraying a really immature image? If i can’t be a bit silly with my friends, who can i be immature and silly to? (I think my brother gets the brunt of immaturity, but hey he was a really annoying baby brother, so its payback XD)  what is with the suspicion?

ALSO Is it weird for me to be nice to people (even people i’m gonna be in competition for a job with? ) ?  I think you gotta be nice to people, because you’ll never know what will happen in the future ( not because i’m scared that they’ll end up being my boss one day, but that people shouldn’t be judged by their appearance (it’s really hard to go by that motto, since appearances are easy to judge) and everyone deserves a chance to tell their story and their thoughts… so cool the competition – i’m only competing against myself ~

oh and plus besties i knew from home don’t seem to be as warm anymore either… (yes, perhaps it’s because i don’t act as friendly/ warm to them… but i’m not mean or cold… like some of them are to me… it’s different from the way i act around my friends here, just because i have gone through more with these peeps and have really matured through some interactions i have had with them.

and i found out some rather disturbing news that made me kind of upset… the fact that i was upset about this tidbit of information jarred me a bit… but i guess when someone you trusted broke that trust (or rather, ripped and shredded it and then burned it in a big can), you can’t ever forget it, even if you do forgive it ~

plus all the school stress [and bad luck of being kicked out of bomber at 11pm]

i apparently have lots of papers to do (only 1 final exam this semester though… which would be a treat, if i survive Jan, Feb, and Mar)

One of my new years resolutions was to be much less of a hater and more of a lover (which i think im doing not a bad job of – I think i gotta work on being less bossy though)

and the fact that i’m blogging on a friday night depresses me ~

I’ve realized that I’ve been making many lists but didn’t really go through w/ doing them …  so to counteract this, I will write a small blurb after those un-done items to justify why it wasn’t done

1. Be nicer and more easygoing and more honest(this carries on from 2010 resolut’n)
2. STAY ACTIVE
   • Try Muay Thai
   • YOGA and go for RUNS
   • Rock climb w/ Tifa (consistently)
   • Join a sports team
3. Join a club and actually talk to club members // go to class and actually talk w/ classmates and profs
   i.e. talk to random people
4. be a lover not a hater ~
5. cook healthy meals and eat lots more fresh veggies, fibre, and fruit [and pack it to school, stop spending so much money on exp. plaza food ~ ]
6. Decrease amount of time spent at home / watching dramas

I think I have been a good girl this year – here is a list of stuff that I wouldn’t mind getting…

• light grey nail polish and new eyeshadow (mine are getting old -_-) – Sephora please?
  • the grey at American Apparel is a bit too dark – $8.00
• Taboo, the game   – $28 @ ToysRus
• Womanity – by Thierry Mugler -$66-110 @ the Bay
• Shopping spree – $100 @ any store?
  • need new interview clothes
• The purchase of animals for donation through World Vision - $35 – $50
  • OR educate a girl for $60
• World Peace and complete ozone layer would be nice too~

In exchange for a list of presents, I’m gonna also post a list of resolutions

• Work on the novel more
• Balance friends + boyfriend + school + gym much better
  • seriously take up yoga
• No More Procrastination!!!
• Be more easygoing

May you, Mrs. Claus, the elves, and the reindeers have a healthy new year (with lots of relaxation)

(This was inspired by Gregory Scott’s weekly column in the magazine Girl’s Cinema, in circulation in the 1920s. He wrote about different popular culture topics that British girls would be concerned with.)

Just a list of something I’ve notice from my clubbing experiences ^_^

1. DO have fun – keep an open mind and an optimistic attitude
2. DON’T wear sharp and/or ridiculously high heels if you’re planning to get drunk – you’ll be stumbling everywhere and a hazard to both yourself and people around you. Yes, I know heels make your legs look amazingly long and sexy… but if you won’t look so hot and sexy if you’ve tripped and fallen on the ground (and rolled your ankle) or hurt one of the people you went clubbing with… PLUS at the end of the night, every girl has slightly messy make up and reek of alcohol (even the not-so-drunk ones) no need to be so hot and sexy anyways.
3. DO be friendly and talk to people (if they’re not creepy)
4. DON’T keep dancing with people you think are creepy   -  just tell them to go away (or ask a friend to help you)
   -  once rejected, these guys would  just go find some other chick to grind with.
5. DO leave a girl / guy alone if she/he rejects your request for a dance.
   No means No, creepy people.
6. DON’T touch the head / hair of people you don’t know – that is creepy and so unsanitary.
7. DO buy drinks for your friends ( =D ) [not the free riders though]
8. DON’T try and become friends with a group of people by dancing in the middle of their dance circle
9. DO ask the DJ to give birthday shoutouts  ^_^

Mm i can’t think of anything else at this moment -  Do you have anything to add to the list?

[Right now, I'm waiting for the airporter bus to arrive at UW (currently sitting in the Great Hall... )

.... I spoke too soon when I said that this is the first time my luggage is not overweight - it is still fricking heavy (why do I have so much stuff T-T)  ]

• Hang out w/ friends
  • coffee up w/ AH, ED, DH, elementary school friends
  • ski trip?

• • SPOIL MYSELF

• spoil the baby brother
  • cook xmas dinner for parents w/ brother?
• do some research
  • hello Kroener library, vancouver public library (downtown)  and cinematheque
• exercise
  • yoga
  • gym 2-3 times a week // cardio 3 times a week
  • go hike w/ parents?
• eat amazing chinese and japanese food
  • try a japadog?

A couple years back, people tell me that I seem like a happy person and that I should strive to keep it that way, because it’s hard to regain that attitude after it’s gone. I realize now that what they said was right. Maybe I realize that too late… happiness something that you realize was really important after you don’t feel it as often as before.

So, if I’ve been thinking about ‘happiness questions’ for a while, why would I suddenly blog about it? Why didn’t I blog about it before? or maybe just keep this rather depressing subject (come on, analyzing and philosophizing about happiness is rather depressing – wouldn’t it be better to just feel happy without having to think about it? )

************************************8

It’s because I saw a picture and felt a paradigm shift.

My parents have taken up hiking for almost 1/2 a year now and they are absolutely passionate about it. My mom is seriously a natural hiker – I went for a hike with her and my dad in July and was blown away about how strong and steady her pace was (compared to that of my dad and me). The view at the end of the trail made the hike (through rain and snow… in fricking July) worthwhile. I love and respect my mom, but watching her hike made me respect her even more.

Anyways – my parents know that I like the scenery so my dad tries to send me a photo of them hiking every so often. I emailed him about his hike and he replied – his email had a picture attached to it. I opened it up and was blown away. This picture was by no means professionally taken. My parents are average-looking people. They were standing by a bridge – the bridge was made of wood and honestly wasn’t anything special. The weather in the background didn’t look so great. The thing I liked so much about the picture was their smiles. The smiles on their faces were not the generic ‘say cheese’ smiles that they usually had when they looked at cameras. My dad had the biggest, almost boylike grin and my mom looked amazingly happy. I was really happy when I saw it. My dad faces a lot of stress at work and also from my brother, so seeing him relax and happy made me feel happy. My mom faces a lot of stress from my brother, so again, it was nice to see her happy and satisfied with life. I <3 my parents (and sometimes I <3 my brother)

(notice a trend? geez boys going through puberty aren’t nice to their parents)

So this picture made me think about what would make them so happy. The picture glowed of 幸福， in my eyes.

The fact that they were together and doing something that they both enjoyed?

The fact that they were relatively successful at work and with family?

[my brother and I, despite our brattiness, are pretty awesome kids. At least I'd like to think that.]

The fact that they met many people who shared their interests so they were able to widen their social circle?

Regardless of the reason(s), I was really happy to see a picture of my parents while they were glowing with happiness. I hope that I could find that kind of happiness somewhere down the road, sooner rather than later =). Obviously I’m not gonna go the exact path my mom and dad went through (that would be very weird). Happiness is probably something that can’t be found when one is pursuing it (I think … )

*******************

So what can I do? I guess all I can do is to live life with an enthusiastic (but not crazy-hyper) attitude and find hobbies that I will enjoy and do things that will give me a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. I love my friends and I love going out with them, so I’ll definitely keep at that also like meeting new people so, that’s what I’ll keep up…

+ CIF skating rink’s open! I’m planing on skating every day tues – fri
… and a chinese drama play will be showing next week (support local arts and fellow students!) !!

Haha now that I think about it, I am still happy person. If not happy, then I’m at least optimistic )

I hope you, Reader, weren’t expecting an answer to any of the questions I’ve typed and that this blog had some structure and made you think a bit about what happiness is to you and what may inspire happiness

The year before, I was working at RIM as a technical writer, getting my own projects and learning so much about working life. I met an amazing team lead, who set my expectations for supervisors high .

The year before that, I was frosh, going to some orientation events, skipping the lame arts ones, living life, meeting new people (many of whom I still keep in touch with and love very much), and learning more about myself.

I hope that my last fall term at the University of Waterloo will pay tribute to my previous fall terms and that it would summarize my university career …

(i.e. lots of fun, lots of laughter, lots of life, with people I love, people I know, and people I will come to know)

Many of my friends know that I am not exactly a fan of this city (it seems even more boring after I lived in HK and TW). However, I do appreciate its existence because it is here that I met great friends. I doubt I would have met the same caring and fun people at a big city uni… or at UBC/SFU. I have to admit, it was because we were in a small city that we had to entertain ourselves (which usually led to awesomest nights evers)
Also, this was where I have grown into a more mature person. *cough*
Plus I <3 fresh fruits at St. Jacob’s market ^_^

So what am I planning this term? I’m gonna write another to-do list.
I know, I rarely end up doing everything I have on my previous checklists – it’s better to have planned then not have planned at all right? besides, these aren’t set in stone [yaay edit buttons]

• volunteer more

Since I’m taking only 4 courses this term (INTTS 400 finished in a day, so now I’m down to 4), I’ve decided that I should use the extra time to give back to the community that has facilitated a lot of good times for me.

I’m actually helping out for Welcome Week 2011:

• I’m crowd control for the pancake breakfast happening tmr (maybe I get a taser to keep the crowd in check…)
• operating carnival games on Tuesday (I hope it won’t be difficult)
• helping out with healthy living day on Wednesday
• maybe concert security on Friday (to be honest, I’d rather watch the concert than make sure drunk people do’n't cause a ruckus)

I’m kinda excited ^_^ hopefully I’ll meet some interesting characters that I can introduce to bomber crew

• Pilates + maybe boot camp

haha I still remember the pain of P.T. (physical training) back in them army cadet days – but it was fun … I think pilates is a good idea to help me strengthen my core

• party w/ the crew
• catch up / keep up w/ old friends
• stay at home less
  • (i.e. watch less dramas… though I am Legend and Mischievous Kiss are allowable… so are Supernatural and Glee… and Big Bang Theory)
• and of course, get high marks, to pull up my average

In the end, I guess I am pretty optimistic about this coming term. I can’t wait to see the people I haven’t seen in ages and can’t wait to meet new and amazing people (I probably will avoid the froshies though ~ )

After some research I decided on this:  No. 1 …. No. 2 and No. 3 look nice too ~~

They all require some sort of perm / early mornings to curl hair … perms are apparently really damaging so I want to try other options before going for it…

I did more research and found that there are other options [that digital perms aren't as good as they seem] and that i really should invest in some dry shampoo and leave in conditioner~ this girl’s got good hair advice for those w/ hopelessly flat hair

Will look to getting haircut sometime next week and splurge on some hair products ~ [my makeup / hair stuff collection has been expanding more than it should... I gotta keep a hold on spending T__T]